The work of Abraham Maslow states that we all have basic needs. These needs consist of things such as: survival, security, belonging, love, esteem, and spirituality.

So how do we meet these needs?

Most of us have come to believe that our needs are met through external sources, which means we look outside our self to feel fulfilled. For example, we look for the approval from others to build our need for self-esteem. Or we perform, in an attempt to meet the need to belong, or to meet the need for love, we spend years looking for someone to love us.

So why is it, despite all of our efforts to get our needs met externally, we never feel fully satisfied? Because when we try to meet our needs from the outside, there is always that underlying fear that it can be taken away or sabotaged!

The truth is, in our desire to meet our needs externally, we end up (subconsciously and consciously) manipulating others to get what we need.

For example, I have a client who clings tightly to her partner in order to meet her need for security. Out of this need to feel secure, she takes very good care of her partner, so he will take care of her. She makes choices based on his desires rather than hers. This is all based on fear, because she does not believe she is secure within herself.

What about our need to belong? To satisfy our need for belonging, many of us make choices based upon the approval of others or our “tribe”.

All her life, Sandy dreamt of working with children. Yet, because it would make more money, her stepfather asked her to study law. Sandy didn’t want to create trouble within the family, so she became a lawyer. Do you think this affected her happiness? You bet it did!

Instead of honoring and trusting ourselves, we base our decisions on the opinions of others or what we think we should do. By doing so, we are actually sacrificing our happiness. Often, we make these choices around who we marry, where we live, and why we lose weight. It just doesn’t work that way!

FACT: Your needs are emotional in nature and can only be met by you.

Instead of looking for outside recognition, approval or love, what would it be like to connect with your unlimited resources within? To actually recognize, approve of, and love yourself.

To find lasting happiness, our needs must be met internally. When we are able to meet our needs from the inside, we attract more of the same. Here’s how it works… By meeting our needs internally, we feel peaceful and happy. When we feel peaceful and happy, our world reflects a peaceful and happy place and we attract more peace and happiness. It’s as simple as that!

TAKE ACTION NOW

As you go through your day, before making a choice, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I making this choice? What need or needs am I trying to fulfill?”

Now drop out of your head and into your body and ask, “How does it FEEL to make this choice?”

Hint: check your Happiness Meter! (click here to re-read article).

If it isn’t an 8 or above, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” or “Am I making this choice based on my values or some external criteria?”

Take the time to look at places you are unhappy with in your life – your career, your relationships, your health, image… Ask yourself, “Am I trying to get these needs met externally? What would it mean to fulfill them from within?”

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Please post your thoughts and comments below, or send me an email.

©2010 Cindy Prosor

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