Did you know there is a child within you who is free, fun and creative?

Did you know there is a child within you who is free, fun and creative?

She loves to play just for play’s sake and laughs out loud from her belly because it feels good. She has a wonderful imagination, a sense of awe and wonder and believes in magic.

As adults, the essence of this “free child” is in every one of us.   It’s the part of us that loves to be silly, creative and have fun. Our inner child essence is an important component of being a healthy adult today. Without it, life becomes dull, flat and routine.

The sad truth is that somewhere along the way, most of us have been wounded or shamed as children or adolescents, and today many of us don’t easily access this place of freedom, fun, creativity, adventure and joy in all areas of our life.

Let me give you an example.

My client Debbie, didn’t feel comfortable attending parties or social functions. Before entering the room or building, she feared she would be ignored, or judged. She envisioned herself standing alone while the rest of the room had fun bonding together.

Debbie wanted more confidence, connection and trust in social situations.

Because she believed she was going to be rejected or ignored, she went into each function expecting the worst.   With head down, feeling small, she actually created her own worst nightmare. How much fun is it being with someone who is fearful and shut down? Inevitably, no one wanted to be with her.

After asking a few questions, we quickly uncovered a time when Debbie was shamed as a teenager by friends. Although this incident happened almost 20 years earlier, this shame had never been healed. This wounded aspect was still very alive inside her today.

Debbie was arriving at these social functions not as a confident adult but as a wounded adolescent…fearful of being rejected, humiliated, abandoned and shamed.

Below are a few questions to ask yourself:

• Where do I struggle in my life?
• Do I find myself fearful of what other people think?
• Do I have feelings of abandonment, rejection or humiliation?
• Am I afraid of failing?
• Am I still searching for that other person to love me?
• Am I an automatic “yes”, putting others before myself?
• Am I unable to create strong boundaries?
• Do I numb my pain with food, alcohol/drugs, exercise, work, or something else?
• Do I have feelings of not being enough…good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, just to name a few?

If you’re stuck somewhere in your life today, there’s a good chance the root of this occurred when you were between the ages of 2-15.

So, how do you heal your wounds and fears so you can break past the “glass ceiling” that’s keeping you stuck in your life today?

Below are 7 powerful steps to moving forward.

1. Notice patterns. Where are you stuck in your life? Do you feel most frightened before a social event? Do you feel angry or threatened before a family get-together?  Is there one person in particular you are threatened by such as a boss, in-law or another authoritative figure?  Are there certain circumstances that trigger your fear, such as speaking in front of groups?  Notice your body posture and voice tone. When you show up in your wounded aspect, you’ll see and hear a difference.  Is there something you do to get attention from others? Notice when you feel fearful or alone.  Get curious.  What do you need?  What are you afraid of? How old do you feel?

2. Slow things down and recognize what’s going on. Notice the different feelings and emotions you have when you are in certain circumstances or around certain people. What are you thinking? What do you believe is true? What are you afraid of? Does your body position change? Does your voice get softer or higher (this could be your inner child) or do you begin to use slang (this could be your inner adolescent)? Stay curious.

3. Acknowledge the impact this is having on your life. Is this pattern not allowing you to easily embrace new activities and/or people? Are you fearful of taking risks that keep you playing small and safe? Have you given up finding a loving partner to share your life with? What is the price you are paying for holding onto this belief or fearful part of yourself?

4. Connect with your Nurturing Parent within… the part of you who you access so easily for your own children and others you care about. From a place of love, allow yourself to feel your fear. Have compassion for this wounded aspect of you.  From this nurturing perspective, accept and love this hurting part of you, without judgment.

Bring loving warmth to those unwanted feelings, and just like an ice cube on a sunny day, they will begin to melt away.

5. Watch for the Critical Parent within, especially with your words. When you catch yourself doing something you are not proud of, be gentle on yourself. Talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to your own child or another person you cared about. Have patience. You’re learning.

6. Check in with your inner child on a regular basis. Notice what she needs (Hint: what she usually wants from others) and give it to yourself.  Support, words of encouragement and forgiveness are important here.

7. Spend time honouring your Free Inner Child. You can do this by having FUN! Examples of this are doing art, playing a game, exploring in the garden, being silly and laughing out loud, drawing with new colored markers, baking cookies, or star-gazing…all for the fun of it!

The impact of this work can be big!  Some of what I regularly see with my clients is more intimacy and a deeper connection with their partner and those they care about, more respect from the people around them, and less conflict and fear in their lives. And lots more fun!

Take time to reconnect to the inner child in you.  You’ll be glad you did!

Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!