Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!Are you an automatic “Yes”? Chances are, it’s become a habit. You learned this as a young child as a way of being acknowledged, taken care of or even loved.
Subconsciously, you think if you say and do the “right things” it will get people to like you. Even more than that, somehow you think it will help reduce your feelings of “not enoughness”…the feelings of shame you subconsciously carry inside your heart.
Yet, when you are an automatic “yes,” instead of feeling liberated, you are left feeling frustrated and resentful. Feeling frustrated and resentful isn’t healthy or fun. Besides the fact that you’re living a large part of your life feeling unhappy, frustration and resentment is a form of energetic poison.
Your head seduces you into thinking if you say or do the “right thing” people will like you. Yet, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Your good person role is only sucking life-force from you!
By being an automatic “yes,” you are taking care of others before taking care of yourself.
What is the difference between selfish and self-care?
It’s easy to collapse the two, thinking if you put your self before your family, friends, work, or community you’re being selfish. We often judge others for being selfish if they do put themselves first.
Yet, the more you take care of yourself, the more you have to give to others.
Think of yourself as a pitcher and the people around you as glasses. What’s it like to pour from an empty pitcher? Feelings of frustration, martyr, and even anger come to my mind. Unless your pitcher is full, it’s impossible to give from a place of abundance, love and joy. To give from this place, you need to refill your pitcher by giving to yourself first before you can take care of others.
Here’s a tip I call: “Insert a Pause.”
Say you get asked to help a friend move over the weekend. Before you reply with an automatic “yes,” stop and insert a pause. This can be as simple as saying,
- “I’ll get back to you with an answer tomorrow”,
- “I need to talk it over with my husband,” or
- “I have to check my calendar.”
Then, in that pause, ask yourself these questions:
- “Why would I say ‘yes’ to this choice? Is it from a place of love and abundance or from a place of habit or neediness?”
- “Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?”
- “Will this choice fill me or drain me of my energy?”
Do a “body check.” How does it feel? Does saying “yes” feel light and expansive or does it feel heavy and burdensome?
At first, saying “no” can be a very difficult thing to do.
Be honest. It’s important to remember to tell the truth, with grace and from your heart. If you tell a lie (even a “white lie”), it could leave you feeling worse than before.
You might say, “I’d like to help you and, to take care of my present commitments I’ll have to say no this time.”
Don’t over explain. Keep it simple.
Notice how you feel. Relieved? Pleased? Glad? Watch for guilt.
To make choices for the right reason, it’s important to know you are enough. That begins with loving, accepting and nurturing all of your self, especially the part of you that wants to be liked.
Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!