My client Debbie couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel happy. Although she had what looked like the perfect life from the outside, she was hurting and confused on the inside.

Debbie went to college and got a degree for her parents. Next, she married her high school sweetheart and tried hard to be a good wife. She worked hard all her life, trying to please others and do the “right” things, yet most of the time she was left feeling hollow and empty. Debbie also spent much of her life comparing herself to others. She wasn’t being authentic to her True Self.

What is it to be authentic?

To me, it begins with knowing, trusting and respecting myself. It’s about making the choice to be and to live from my heart, not from my head. It’s about doing what’s right for me, first. Without apologies.

What keeps you from showing up authentically?

Chances are it’s the “what ifs.”

What if I don’t do it “right”?

What if someone challenges me?

What if they think I’m being conceited?

What if I get discovered for not being enough…smart enough, pretty enough, perfect enough, clever enough, strong enough, talented enough, popular enough, kind enough, sexy enough, young enough, old enough…you choose.

It takes courage to choose authenticity.

It’s vulnerable to be authentic. You could be challenged, judged or criticized.

The ego asks, “What if someone judges me?”

The truth is, nobody is really judging you more than you are judging yourself.

Compassionately, I recognize we all have the need to belong. But how do we meet this need?

Most of us try to meet this need outside of ourselves, by making choices around the approval of others. By doing so, you actually attempt to manipulate others to like you by making choices based on their approval. While that may give you immediate gratification, soon you are left feeling hollow and alone again, looking for another hit of approval to temporarily boost your self-esteem.

In truth, the only way this need or any need can be fully met is from within. To meet this need, you must get to know who YOU are and what YOU desire, and make choices that are right for YOU. When we make choices that authentically honor our selves, we feel good about our selves. When we feel good about our selves, we don’t care what other people think.

True authenticity lives in your heart. Fear (the “what ifs”) lives in your head. Get out of your own way by dropping out of your head and fearlessly following your heart.

It feels right to make choices from this place. It’s an internal compass that won’t ever lead you astray. Think of it as your own North Star.

Living authentically is ultimately a choice. You have a choice to play small and safe or the choice to face your fears, limiting beliefs and old habits that are holding you back, and to begin living the life of your dreams.

Drop out of your head and into your heart. Respect and honor your values and your truth in every choice you make. Become who YOU were born to be in this world.

Take Action Now

~ How easy is it to be authentically you? What gets in the way?
~ Slow down and ask, “WHY am I making this choice?”
~ Notice when you compare yourself to others. Stop. You are not that other person.
~ Drop into your heart and ask, “Am I making this choice for the approval of others or because it feels right for me?”
~ As you awaken, be gentle on yourself. Accept, nurture and love this confused part of you just as you would a frightened child. Compassion for your self is key.

©2010 Cindy Prosor