I tried writing you several times last week, but I just couldn’t get going. In fact, since recovering from my broken hip almost a month ago, I’ve been trying to get back to my business (and you) and I keep finding reasons why I can’t…I’m too busy, I need to talk to my grandson, I have dinner to make (at 2pm??)…
Over this past month I’ve been intending to get back in the saddle with my Facebook lives, videos, product creations and emails to you yet something keeps stopping me. It’s almost like I have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.
Does this ever happen to you?
Over the last few weeks, shame and fear have been rearing their ugly heads (again) and keeping me from moving forward in my business. It’s connected to an old story around not being smart enough that keeps me playing small.
You see, when I was four years old, my mother placed me in school early for my age…I was almost a year younger than my classmates. I was tall so I looked the part, yet emotionally and socially I was young.
I did pretty well until age seven. At seven, I remember raising my hand to answer a question the teacher had asked the class, and although my answer was developmentally appropriate for me, it was young for the group. I remember being laughed at by my classmates and told to sit down by the teacher (sigh).
From there I was placed in lower academic groups and had difficulty making friends. My self esteem spiraled downward.
Although it seems like a small bite today, it’s been a HUGE wound and trigger for me since. With help from an incredible coach, I have done deep and amazing work around healing this wound. Yet when I’m feeling vulnerable, this little girl and her beliefs of not being (smart) enough or belonging can get triggered and hold me back yet again.
So, yesterday we had a chat. A loving conversation I wish my teacher or mother had had with me way back in the time. But “back then” is over and the only person to keep that little girl safe now is me. The “me” that is writing to you today. The me that is my nurturing, spiritual adult, who has compassion and love for all parts of herself and lives vulnerably from her heart.
Over the last twenty years, I have discovered most of us have own beliefs, fears and stories that get triggered and keep us from moving forward in specific areas of our lives. Areas that are important to us as adults, like lasting love, creating and holding onto money, being accepted and fitting in, for example.
Although mine is a belief of not being smart enough and a fear of rejection, I have clients whose beliefs range from the need to control and be perfect to fears of abandonment and feelings of not being worthy, pretty or loveable.
This morning as I sat to write you one more time, things had shifted. Instead of showing up as this younger version of myself with her small story of not enough-ness, I arrived as my wise, spiritual adult self.
I’m writing you this because I want to invite you to look at the stories you continue to replay…stories that are keeping you stuck and frustrated.
Maybe your story is keeping you hiding and playing small like me. Or, like many of my clients, your story may be around blaming someone for doing something to you or striving to earn respect, love and esteem.
Your story and its associated beliefs and fears are what’s causing your frustration, exhaustion and disappointment today.
It took me almost 50 years to uncover my stuff around playing fearful and small so I’m certainly not here to tell you to just get over it. This stuff is big and it takes a lot of courage and compassion to look at. The process of shifting your story to shift your life is the ultimate journey in forgiveness, self compassion and self love.
Look…I don’t want you wasting decades like I did. Because of all the work I have done, it’s allowed me to develop a process to show you how to move past your stories and be there for yourself in all the ways you’ve been hoping others would be there for you. Mostly I want to tell you there is hope and I can show you the way.
Ready to have freedom from your story?
If so, I’m putting together a beautiful 3-day retreat where a small group of 6-8 of us will uncover and shift our stories and our lives in the most beautiful and loving way.
And, to make the magic even more potent and special, I’m holding it over Winter Solstice (21-23 June), right here in my new home in Omokoroa on the bay.
If you want more details, just hit “Reply” and let’s find a time to talk. I look forward to hearing from you.
As always, with so much love and compassion,
P.S. Even if you have done this kind of work before, you can always go deeper like I did this week. I’d love to help take you to the next level.