Love

Love is in the air this month! I have just come off of 12 days of incredible love…celebrating the wedding of my son Will to his new wife Olya with precious friends and family, traveling and playing with my awesome daughter Whitney and her husband Jon who came out from the U.S., and playing and basking in all of this love with my gorgeous and loving husband Larry.

I often get comments around how lucky I am to have such a love-filled life. I do feel blessed and very grateful for what we have created.

One thing I know for sure is there is no “luck” in love. Love is also not something you earn, compete for, or achieve. True and lasting love begins from within.

Love is something you are, not something you get.

Love is your birthright. You were born in the essence of love. Look at a new born baby. We are naturally pure love and light when we are born.

Yet, many of us were taught at a young age (from well-intentioned adults) that love is earned. We were role-modeled that love is something we must work for or earn.

Depending on your parents and what was reinforced in your family, you may have learned a specific tactic to get love. A few of the tactics I see in my practice are:

#1 – The Good Girl or People Pleaser. You learned to take care of others or make others proud so they will then reinforce you with their love/praise/rewards.

#2 – The Quiet or Invisible one. When you disappear, someone will come searching for you.

#3 – Get Sick or Injured. Your parents dropped everything to take care of you.

#4 – Cause Commotion. If all else failed, you could get attention by throwing yourself on the floor, pinching a sibling or another way to get attention, which to many was seen as a form of love.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Is the inner child within you still performing these same tactics for love today?

Trying to earn your love or prove you are lovable might work for a while, but it can be frustrating and exhausting. That’s because, as hard as you might try, you cannot control how another person feels about you. It may work for a while, but eventually, you will end up feeling frustrated, exhausted, disappointed and even angry.

When you look outside yourself for love, you’re left feeling lost, alone and empty. Healthy and lasting love is something you have from within and give from your heart.

Some of the ways you can fill your heart with love are through:

Self-awareness – Do you know your blind spots? These are the habits, fears or beliefs, that keep you searching for love.
Self-care
Self-respect
Self-forgiveness
Self-compassion
Self-honesty, integrity and trust
Self-esteem – knowing you are enough and loved for just the way you are.

When we love and nurture our self, we have love to give to and nurture others with. Love yourself and give that love to others.

When you give love from a full and abundant heart, you are able to receive love in a way the searching can never fulfill.

Please share your thoughts on love with me. The conversation is happening over on my blog.

I wish you so much love.

Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!