4 Steps to More Intimacy and Fun in Your Life

Did you know there is a child within you who has a free and fun loving spirit?

She loves to play just for play’s sake and laughs out loud from her belly because it feels so very good. She enjoys creating, has a wonderful imagination and a sense of awe and wonder. This child believes in magic and miracles. She also believes in a friendly world where she can receive anything for no reason, including all the love she desires.

As adults, the essence of this free child is in every one of us. The sad truth is that, somewhere along the way, most of us have been wounded and today, we don’t always live from this place of creativity, love and freedom.

This same child within has a wounded aspect as well.

This wounded child has been taught the world isn’t so safe after all. She has perfected the skill of manipulating others to get what she needs. She does this by using one of the following techniques:

–Being the good girl and turning on her charm
–Throwing a tantrum or pouting
–Withdrawing and isolating herself, hoping others will come searching for her
–Pretending to be sick, hurt or needy

Do any of these sound familiar? Which one is you?

As an adult, chances are very good that this wounded child within still uses similar tactics for getting love and attention today.

Do you ever find yourself fearful of what other people think?
Do you ever have feelings of abandonment, rejection or humiliation?
Do you give your power away by saying “yes,” then beating yourself up inside because you really wanted to say “no” but for some reason you just couldn’t do it?

This is your wounded child in action and it is part of the resonance or energy that makes you who you are as an adult today. It’s actually keeping you from the connection and intimacy you so deeply desire in your life today.

How do you heal your wounds and reclaim that laughing, creative, care-free child within?

1. Recognize what’s going on – as with any personal growth, this is the first step. Notice the different feelings and emotions you have when you are in certain circumstances or around certain people. Notice patterns. Do you feel most frightened before a social event or family get-together? Is there one person in particular you are threatened by such as a boss, an in-law or another authoritative figure? Are there certain circumstances that trigger your fear, such as speaking in front of groups? Notice your body posture and voice tone. When you show up in your wounded child aspect, you’ll see and hear a difference. Is there something you do to get attention? Notice when you feel fearful or alone. Get curious. What do you need? What are you afraid of?

2. Connect with your nurturing parent within … the part of you who you access so easily for your own children and others you care about. Reconnect with this nurturing parent energy and just be there for yourself. Allow yourself to feel the fear and have compassion for this wounded aspect of you. Love this part of you, without judgment.

3. Check in with your inner child on a regular basis. Notice what you need and give it to yourself. As an adult, it’s a lot more powerful being there for yourself rather than looking to others to take care of and support the neediness in you.

4. Spend time honoring your free inner child. You can do this by taking a class in something creative (watch out for wanting to do it right or perfect!), playing in the garden, being silly and laughing out loud, drawing with new colored markers, baking cookies, or star-gazing…all for the fun of it!

The impact of doing this work can be big! Some of what I regularly see with my clients is more intimacy and a deeper connection with their partner and those they care about, more respect from the people around them, and less conflict and fear in their lives.

Take time to reconnect to the inner child in you. You’ll be glad you did!