The Secret to Making the Right Choices

Please share your experience and thoughts with me below. Thanks!


Every day, each of us has the opportunity to make many choices that will impact our lives. Some choices will impact us more than others, but each will have some impact on our happiness. The quality of our choices will dictate whether we live a life of struggle and frustration or live a life of love, joy and gratitude.

So how do we know how to make choices that are best for us?

Since most of us do not take the time to go within and listen to what’s really going on, we often end up making choices for the wrong reasons, leaving us feeling empty, resentful and frustrated. We often have subconscious plans of manipulating others and the world around us hoping to find more money, self-esteem, love and/or power.

A client of mine, Lori, has been divorced more than once and is in her mid-forties. She came to me feeling alone, isolated and unhappy. She believed if she could only find someone to love her, then she’d be happy. After some coaching we discovered a pattern. When Lori met an interesting man, she immediately began making choices to please him. She subconsciously believed if she supported and took care of him he would begin to fall in love with her and in return support and love her back.

Although this arrangement may work for a while, it’s a house of cards that will eventually fall down. Lori is making the choice to take care of another with the subconscious bargain of wanting something back in return. This kind of choice will never bring lasting love, security or happiness. What happens if something goes wrong with her plan and for some reason he’s not there? She would begin to feel resentful, frustrated, alone and angry. And worse, she’ll blame it all on him or her circumstances.

Not a very powerful position, right?

Unless she takes care of her own desires and needs first, she won’t have a solid foundation beneath her. To have lasting love and connection, you MUST have love, security and connection within. You must make choices that honor, love and support yourself first.

When you make loving and supporting choices for yourself, you’re creating a strong foundation to build your life from. From this place, you have a deep sense of inner connection, fulfillment and trust. It’s a kind of happiness that is not dependent on what others say or do. It’s deep within you, and one can take it away. When you love yourself on the inside, you become a loving person. When you authentically love yourself on the inside, you have authentic love to give to others. How does it feel to be around someone who authentically loves and respects them self? People are attracted to being with them. They’re lovable.

Now that’s empowered. Can you feel the difference?

How do you know if you are making the right choices?

1. Ask yourself, “Why would I choose to do this? What are my reasons for making this choice?” Without judging, write them all down. Example: Choice: Start a business. Reasons: We need the money. To prove to my husband I can so he’ll finally respect me. This work brings me joy. I love supporting others.

2. Feel into these reasons. Listen to your body’s wisdom. How do they feel? Which reasons leave you feeling constricted and tight and which leave you feeling expansive and open? If your body feels tight, chances are these reasons are coming from a place of fear and neediness. You may succeed, but that success comes with the cost of sacrificing yourself. Instead, if they leave you feeling free and excited, you’re probably making a choice from self-love, inner connection, self-respect and trust.

To have lasting love and happiness, your choices must come from a strong inner foundation. To build a strong foundation, you must intimately know and nurture yourself. How much do you love and nurture yourself? How intimate are you with your inner world?