In my earlier years, I harbored feelings of low self worth. I carried pain and shame within me from when I was a child and because of this, I didn’t feel capable in many situations.
This was a painful part of my life. Because I wore a “mask” that portrayed “the helpful and happy one”, most who knew me were not aware of the pain I carried inside.
Are you aware that low self worth is directly connected to low self love?
Strong self worth includes self respect, self forgiveness, strong boundaries and unconditional self love… all anchored from within and independent from what outside circumstances and people think, do or say.
When we have low self worth, we are dependent upon love and respect from others to feel loved and respected within ourselves. We perform to feel loved and respected.
Think about that for a moment.
Low self love = Low self worth
Some symptoms of low self love and self worth are…
- Doing things for the wrong reasons… most often so people will take care of, respect and like you in return. This often leaves you feeling flat, empty, resentful and lonely.
- Comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people think about you.
- Fear of missing out and feeling abandoned or rejected when you are not included.
- Doing things because you “should”, not because you want to.
- Easily get caught up in victimhood, blame or self-pity.
- Numbing out with food and/or alcohol.
- Looking for others to accept and acknowledge you.
- Beating yourself up for making “mistakes”.
- Speaking to yourself in unkind ways.
- Defending or making excuses for your behaviors.
- Trying to control, micromanage or perfect the people and environment around you.
These are just a few symptoms of low self worth. I often refer to these as “blind spots” because we are so “in them” we often cannot see them.
Self love = Self worth
A few examples of choices made from a place of self love and high self worth are:
- Compassionately allowing yourself to feel all your emotions knowing “this too shall pass”.
- Setting strong boundaries and easily saying “no”.
- Doing what you love and loving what you do.
- Taking 100% responsibility for your choices and the impact of these choices.
- Knowing the most challenging people and circumstances in your life are teaching you about yourself. You see them as a gift.
- Not feeling rejected when you are not included. Instead, rejoice in making time just for you.
- Believing in something bigger than yourself. Able to drop out of your head and into your heart and trust in the process of life.
- Regularly take time to be grateful.
- Able to receive with gratitude and grace.
- When doing or saying something you regret, pause in the moment and with forgiveness in your heart (and a smile on your face), embrace the silent mantra, “How human of me”.
If you’d like to increase your self worth and self esteem, my invitation to you this week is to S-L-O-W things down and with curiosity, become an observer of yourself.
Try these powerful steps to increasing self love and self worth this week:
- Compassionately notice when you get triggered and react in low self esteem behaviors, similar to the ones in the first list above.
- Acknowledge how this makes you feel. Acknowledge how it’s impacting your life.
- Remember, compassion and forgiveness are key. Close your eyes, put your arms around yourself, and say, “I love you. I am listening.”
With self compassion, forgiveness and love, acknowledge how you are learning, listening and growing. You are building your self love muscle.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so please comment below.
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“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing”.